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 Tyson - Protector

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Clarbart

Clarbart

Posts : 84
Join date : 2011-01-30

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PostSubject: Tyson - Protector   Tyson - Protector EmptyMon Jan 31, 2011 6:16 am

Account Name:clarbart

Name: Tyson
Nickname: Aegis
Age: 18
Gender: Male
Height: 6'2"
Weight: 66 Kg
Group: N/A
Reputation: 0
Rank: D
Affiliation: Light
Blood-type: B
Likes: Food, Sleep, Large amounts of women
Dislikes: Blood, Disrespectful people, Cows, Dimension Travel
Fears: Darkness
Physical Description:
-Thin Face
-Dirty Blond Hair
-Blue/Green eyes
-Tall and with average muscles
-Tanned
Magic Keywords: Di Protegat Quos Tueri Volo
Ki or Magic: Magic
Clothing: Jeans and a t-shirt, a hoodie and coat when appropriate
Accessories:
-Watch on the left hand
-A small pentacle shaped necklace
Picture:
Spoiler:

Personality:
Generally happy and agreeable,with the potential to be scarily angry and sad when introduced to the right stimuli. Has a very strong liking for food and as such the moment he smells or sees some he will either devour it or make it better....then devour it. The one food he refuses to eat is steak due to an accident where he was given an extra rare steak. He promptly left the restaurant that sold it to him and has not gone back since.

History:
Born into a middle class family, Tyson grew up with normal problems like a normal person. At the age of 14, due to a demon attack from dark mages, Tyson's magic ability for creating shields was discovered and he was sent to the Magic Academy to hone his skills, and eventually become a mage in his own right. After 4 years he has graduated and is out to make his way in the world and to find the dark mages that changed his life.

Class:Cleric

Weaponry/Equipment:
-A tall staff that can be used for walking as well as fighting, the main fighting style being blocks, simple strikes, and large weapon disarms.
-A small necklace that boosts magical control allowing for a lower chance that he will lose control of his magic and use too much or too little energy in a spell
-A large brown travelling cloak that boosts resistance to magic and physical attacks. The cloak protects me from attacks by being made of thick material and having a small nullification spell cast on it (it wont completely destroy and attack, just make it smaller). I also want the cloak to be large enough so that it can cover me and one other person inside it. It also needs a hood(simple but you would be AMAZED at how many people dont realize that).


Stats: 50
Strength-8
Accuracy-12
Endurance-8
Speed-12
Intelligence-10

Stat Points Earned:0/5
Jewels Earned:230,000

Sources:

https://negimalostmagic.rpg-board.net/t819-first-missionfeel-free-to-join 3 SP, 2 MP and 250,000 Drachma
https://negimalostmagic.rpg-board.net/t818-encounter-with-a-patronus-ryousuke-and-first-3-posters 2SP 1 MP 80 000 Drachma

Skills and Disciplines:
-High Level Chef cooking skills(likes to eat)
-Staff Fighting, similar to a bo staff style
-Above average memory, ie. he can remember small details like what he ate a week ago.

Magic Name: Framea Shield
Type: Counter/ Defensive/ Healing
TP/KP Earned: 3|3
Magic Description: A magic style that focuses on defensive shields, counters, and healing
Techniques:10/13

Minor Aegis - (5)
Type:Counter
Incantation:O Di, Commoda Mihi Virtutem Scuto
Range:10-15 meters
Effect:Creates a shield that reflects spells rank 4 and below, spells rank 5 have reduced damage, spells rank 6 have reduced damage while multiple simultaneous or continuous spells rank 6 and above break the shield

Tardus Parvus - (4)
Type: Defense
Incantation: Tempore Mihi
Range: 5 meters
Effect: Creates a dome of slurred time 3 meters wide, characters and attacks caught inside move at -8 their normal speed for the 5 second duration

Cura - (1)
Type: Healing
Incantation: Prope Vulnera
Range:15 meters
Effect: Restores 15 health/endurance to chosen party member


Last edited by Clarbart on Tue Feb 01, 2011 2:30 am; edited 5 times in total
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B★RS
Admin
B★RS

Female Posts : 647
Join date : 2010-12-22
Age : 28
Location : Admin Panel

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PostSubject: Re: Tyson - Protector   Tyson - Protector EmptyMon Jan 31, 2011 6:19 am

Tardus Parvus seems pretty over powered, and you need to expand more on your Skills & Dis.. blah
Personality needs work too.
A picture would be nice..

Just feels too short.
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Clarbart

Clarbart

Posts : 84
Join date : 2011-01-30

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PostSubject: Re: Tyson - Protector   Tyson - Protector EmptyMon Jan 31, 2011 6:21 am

should i reduce the time on tardus parvus?
or maybe the space?
ill work on the personality.....
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Daisuke

Daisuke

Male Posts : 1468
Join date : 2010-05-02
Location : Position Lock On

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PostSubject: Re: Tyson - Protector   Tyson - Protector EmptyMon Jan 31, 2011 6:24 am

Short explaination but whatever unless some other mods complains about it.
How is the staff used to fight?
Explain the pendant that boost magical control.
Minor Aegis- Rank 6 and above should've already destroyed the barrier.
Tardus Parvus- 10 second...? Just say 2 post for now and -4 speed as 1/2 a person's speed is too much as it'd get worst if the rank increases.
Scutum is just a normal block that even a human could do so you sure?
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Jukensong
Baka Blue
Jukensong

Male Posts : 656
Join date : 2011-01-27

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PostSubject: Re: Tyson - Protector   Tyson - Protector EmptyMon Jan 31, 2011 6:26 am

Looks like another twin 5 ranker ^^

Yea the 2nd move is way OP imo

maybe... he sends out an impulse that lasts for 2-3 seconds?

probably useful when he's ready to counter.

Might want to up ur str and endurance a bit.

Having weaker strikes and girly constiution seems bad
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B★RS
Admin
B★RS

Female Posts : 647
Join date : 2010-12-22
Age : 28
Location : Admin Panel

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PostSubject: Re: Tyson - Protector   Tyson - Protector EmptyMon Jan 31, 2011 6:28 am

Tardus Parvus should be a 3x3 meter bubble, that lasts maybe.. 3 seconds.
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Clarbart

Clarbart

Posts : 84
Join date : 2011-01-30

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PostSubject: Re: Tyson - Protector   Tyson - Protector EmptyMon Jan 31, 2011 6:37 am

edit
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Daisuke

Daisuke

Male Posts : 1468
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Location : Position Lock On

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PostSubject: Re: Tyson - Protector   Tyson - Protector EmptyMon Jan 31, 2011 6:42 am

Seems okay about 60-70% to me. Any other problems, mod?
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Umibouzu

Umibouzu

Male Posts : 2815
Join date : 2010-01-26

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PostSubject: Re: Tyson - Protector   Tyson - Protector EmptyMon Jan 31, 2011 6:43 am

That one doesnt make sense given the magical style...
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Clarbart

Clarbart

Posts : 84
Join date : 2011-01-30

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PostSubject: Re: Tyson - Protector   Tyson - Protector EmptyMon Jan 31, 2011 6:45 am

its mainly used defensively umi
and besides its still a very close attack
like a shield
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Daisuke

Daisuke

Male Posts : 1468
Join date : 2010-05-02
Location : Position Lock On

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PostSubject: Re: Tyson - Protector   Tyson - Protector EmptyMon Jan 31, 2011 6:45 am

Ah right, any more details you can give on your pendant and staff..?
I don't really see how he would lose control of his magic.
And... where's your character's class?
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B★RS
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B★RS

Female Posts : 647
Join date : 2010-12-22
Age : 28
Location : Admin Panel

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PostSubject: Re: Tyson - Protector   Tyson - Protector EmptyMon Jan 31, 2011 6:51 am

Please expand on.. well.. everything.
We also would like a picture, but that is still semi-optional.

Also, you can raise it to -8
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Clarbart

Clarbart

Posts : 84
Join date : 2011-01-30

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PostSubject: Re: Tyson - Protector   Tyson - Protector EmptyMon Jan 31, 2011 6:52 am

added some more info on the staff and pendant
also added the class
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Umibouzu

Umibouzu

Male Posts : 2815
Join date : 2010-01-26

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PostSubject: Re: Tyson - Protector   Tyson - Protector EmptyMon Jan 31, 2011 6:53 am

You should join Ryugujo
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Jukensong
Baka Blue
Jukensong

Male Posts : 656
Join date : 2011-01-27

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PostSubject: Re: Tyson - Protector   Tyson - Protector EmptyMon Jan 31, 2011 7:07 am

He seems turtly enough for the turtle club.

Turtle! Turtle!

but yea so far so good. Here's a pic if ya want.

...1 sec

http://www.zerochan.net/56537

Alright I was joking there...

http://www.zerochan.net/414479

http://www.zerochan.net/305432

http://www.zerochan.net/370


Last edited by Jukensong on Mon Jan 31, 2011 7:17 am; edited 1 time in total
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Clarbart

Clarbart

Posts : 84
Join date : 2011-01-30

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PostSubject: Re: Tyson - Protector   Tyson - Protector EmptyMon Jan 31, 2011 7:17 am

meh....pictures close enough
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B★RS
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B★RS

Female Posts : 647
Join date : 2010-12-22
Age : 28
Location : Admin Panel

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PostSubject: Re: Tyson - Protector   Tyson - Protector EmptyMon Jan 31, 2011 8:41 am

Clarbart wrote:

Physical Description:
-Thin Face
-Dirty Blond Hair
-Blue/Green eyes
-Tall and with average muscles
-Tanned
Magic Keywords: Di Protegat Quos Tueri Volo
Ki or Magic: Magic
Clothing: Jeans and a t-shirt, a hoodie and coat when appropriate
Accessories:
-Watch on the left hand
-A small pentacle shaped necklace
I recommend using a paragraph format instead of just listing.

Clarbart wrote:
Personality:
Generally happy and agreeable,with the potential to be scarily angry and sad when introduced to the right stimuli
I really need you to expand the personality.
Clarbart wrote:
Class:Cleric
All Clerics start out with Cura, a healing spell.
Clarbart wrote:
Skills and Disciplines:
-Cooking
-Staff Fighting
-Good Memory
Can you also expand on these as well.
Clarbart wrote:
Magic Name: Framea Shield
Type: Counter/ Defensive
TP/KP Earned:
Magic Description: A magic style that focuses on defensive shields and counters
Techniques:
After TP/KP you need 0|0
..and after Techs, you need 10/10
Clarbart wrote:
Minor Aegis - (5)
Type:Counter
Incantation:O Di, Commoda Mihi Virtutem Scuto
Range:10-15 meters
Effect:Creates a shield that reflects spells rank 4 and below, spells rank 5 have reduced damage, spells rank 6 and above destroy the shield

Tardus Parvus - (4)
Type: Defense
Incantation: Tempore Mihi
Range: 5 meters
Effect: Creates a dome of slurred time 3 meters wide, characters and attacks caught inside move at -8 their normal speed for the 5 second duration

Scutum - (1)
Type: Counter
Incantation: Steteris
Range:What can be touched
Effect: Reflects all of a rank 1 physical attacks damage back on the user
Minor Aegis is generally too overly weakened, seeing how a barrier weakens all spells & attacks, even if there is a great difference in Ranks.
Tardus is just fine.
Scutum is useless and should be replaced with your class-required skill of Cura.
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dorianodet

dorianodet

Male Posts : 1409
Join date : 2010-11-29
Age : 32
Location : France

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PostSubject: Re: Tyson - Protector   Tyson - Protector EmptyMon Jan 31, 2011 6:51 pm

I've read it : You're rank 1 spell won't do anything. Motsly if like someone who'll hit you will get a sligh cut, not even bleeding.
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Jukensong
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Jukensong

Male Posts : 656
Join date : 2011-01-27

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PostSubject: Re: Tyson - Protector   Tyson - Protector EmptyMon Jan 31, 2011 7:08 pm

something along the lines of me throwing a knife at you 1/2 ass edly. The reflect wouldn't even come back 1 meter ^^.

I'd only see this useful against little kids or weak thugs.

Weak thugs it can be fine but little kids oh noes!!!
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dorianodet

dorianodet

Male Posts : 1409
Join date : 2010-11-29
Age : 32
Location : France

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PostSubject: Re: Tyson - Protector   Tyson - Protector EmptyMon Jan 31, 2011 9:56 pm

To gave you an example, the last rank 1 spell i've seen had the power of a lighter... It was only to ignite flamable thing by touching them long enought.

Your rank 1 is meaningless right now, if I were you I would start with a 2*rank 5 and would add this spell later :)
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TheWill
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TheWill

Male Posts : 4808
Join date : 2010-01-25
Age : 28

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PostSubject: Re: Tyson - Protector   Tyson - Protector EmptyTue Feb 01, 2011 2:32 am

1/2 approval.
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B★RS
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B★RS

Female Posts : 647
Join date : 2010-12-22
Age : 28
Location : Admin Panel

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PostSubject: Re: Tyson - Protector   Tyson - Protector EmptyTue Feb 01, 2011 2:36 am

2/2, I am dumping this someone in the character place.
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