Negima: Lost Magic
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 Jack, Black Jack, Earth Tank

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LordNiv
Baka Black
LordNiv

Male Posts : 38
Join date : 2011-01-31
Age : 33

Jack, Black Jack, Earth Tank Empty
PostSubject: Jack, Black Jack, Earth Tank   Jack, Black Jack, Earth Tank EmptySun Feb 13, 2011 10:26 am

Account Name:LordNiv
______________________________________________________________________


Name:Jack Newtrade
Nickname:Blackjack
Age:18
Gender:Male
Height:182cm
Weight:70kg
Group: N/A
Reputation: 0
Rank: D
Affiliation:Dark
Blood-type:O
Likes: Being in charge, Making others lose hope, Winning, Confidence.
Dislikes: Being made to look weak, Weaklings, cowards, people who bow down to others.
Fears: Losing his Freedom and having to listen to other's orders.
Physical Description: He is tanned and well built, making him a strong fighter, so pushing him further
Magic Keywords:Nilless No Nvrrin
Ki or Magic?Magic
Clothing:He likes to wear black clothes, usually a V-neck shirt or singlet with jeans or black pants.
Accessories: Several magical rings of power. He uses them to amplify his hardening powers.
Extra:
Picture:
Spoiler:

Personality Jack is egotistical and arrogant, but knows how to play his cards right. However, being too prideful, he won't ever bow down to anyone, he always believes that he has to be the one everyone bows down to. In an argument, he is the type to never back down, and firmly believe he's right, while everyone else is wrong, no matter the reason. He is the type you'd call as stubborn as a rock...

History: Jack was raised as an orphan, and when he was growing up, he saw children all around him grovelling to adults. He found this disgusting and pathetic, so he beat them up. All those sniveling kids pissed him off, they couldn't even stand up for themselves, how did they expect to survive? When he grew up bullies started to pick on the orphans, and when they started picking on Jack, he couldn't do anything... So Jack decided to go train, he found a local Muay Thai Dojo and watched them train. He followed their training intensely, coming home with a bruised body from trying to do body hardening.

When the bullies came to pick on him again, he beat every single one of them up, injuring some of them and leaving them with broken bones. He was asked to protect the other orphans with his strength and he laughed at them. Telling them to bow down to him if they wanted his protection, which they did... he laughed as the kids grovelled under him.

After that, he went to find other fights outside the orphanage, as he was getting sick of protecting them all the time. He went out and started fighting in the streets, and found that no one could beat him, except for one... He was impossibly strong and one punch from this guy was able to penetrate his defenses completely. The one who beat him saw his latent powers and took him under his wing, he trained Jack to bring out his magical abilities. However, the mage who trained him was startlingly weak in terms of magic and a couple of years after being trained by him, he defeated him in combat and skill.

Jack left his former teacher and went out into the world to train himself and find true power...

Class: Magic Duelist

Weaponry/Equipment: He wears magical rings to augment his magic, and allow him to cast spells without a wand.

Stats – 45
Strength:16
Accuracy:9
Endurance:10
Speed:9
Intelligence:1

Stat Points Earned: 0|0
Jewels Earned: 500,000

Sources:

Skills & Disciplines: Street fighting Muay Thai. He has incorporated the ruthless form of street fighting into Muay Thai.

Magic Name:Gorgon's Gift
Magic Type:Earth Magic
Magic Description: This is a branch of magic that emphasizes on using the ground and manipulating things to become stone or by creating stone to use against your enemies. Different applications of this is the turning of a person into stone(Petrification) or turning your own skin into stone(Body Hardening). This magic also allows the user to create stone out of thin air.
TP/KP Earned: 0|0
Techniques: 8(used)/10

Gorgon's Gaze/Petrification - (Rank 5)
Type: Curse
Incantation: Nilless No Nvrrin Pétrifier
Range: Touch
Effect: The user just has to touch the target of this spell and he is turned to stone, the person's spirit is contained inside and unable to do anything. They do not know or feel what happens outside their body. The petrified person cannot revert back to normal until the time is up, or i healed by a healing spell of higher rank than Petrification.

Duration: The rank of petrification in posts.

Stone Skin - (Rank: 3)
Type: Personal
Incantation: Nilless No Nvrrin Silex Silicis Duro
Range: N/A
Effect: The user's skin is magically hardened and is as tough as stone, giving a major boost to a person's defensive capability by several times, this acts as a barrier of sorts against physical and magical attacks of lower rank than Stone Skin.


Earth Spikes - (Rank 0) (I'm leaving this here for future reference)
Type: Ranged Offensive
Incantation: Nilless No Nvrrin Silex Silicis Impingo
Range: 20-30meters.
Effect: Creates and shoots a spike of hard rock at the target, it spirals towards the target at high speed. damaging the target severly


Last edited by LordNiv on Tue Feb 15, 2011 10:35 am; edited 2 times in total
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dorianodet

dorianodet

Male Posts : 1409
Join date : 2010-11-29
Age : 32
Location : France

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PostSubject: Re: Jack, Black Jack, Earth Tank   Jack, Black Jack, Earth Tank EmptySun Feb 13, 2011 11:49 am

here I come :

Techniques: (used)/10 Should be 10/10

You're currently using too much stat point, change it to use at most 45 point.

Your ability are overpowered for their level

Incantation: Nilless No Nvrrin Pétrifier
Range: 2.5*Range of Petrification
Effect: The user just has to look at anyone within the range and the target of this spell is turned to stone, the person's spirit is contained inside and unable to do anything. They do not know or feel what happens outside their body. The petrified person cannot revert back to normal until time is up, or i healed by a healing spell of higher rank than Petrification.

Formula for petrification:
Duration: 1.5*Rank of Petrification, in posts
Range: 2.5*Rank of Petrification, in meters

The duration is a LOT too long.



Earth Spikes - (Rank 2) (I'm leaving this here for future reference)
Type: Ranged Offensive
Incantation: Nilless No Nvrrin Silex Silicis Impingo
Range: 20-30meters.
Effect: Creates and shoots a spike of hard rock at the target, it spirals towards the target at high speed. damaging the target severly


For a rank 2 tech, you should be able to launch some needle to the enemy, but it won't do much.

I'm also against the part in your "stone skin" that is halfing the damage of the upper rank spell and ki attack, and that is nullifying the damage of twice your endurance for the only reason it don't have any draw back

Here the same tech https://negimalostmagic.rpg-board.net/t928-ayasegawa-kimihiro
But he can't use any other technique while using it.
He put as a draw back for this important power that he can't use any other tech

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Solar
Baka White
Solar

Male Posts : 38
Join date : 2011-02-05
Age : 34
Location : Jewland

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PostSubject: Re: Jack, Black Jack, Earth Tank   Jack, Black Jack, Earth Tank EmptySun Feb 13, 2011 7:07 pm

Not to mention that copypastaing the description is copyright infringement. /jk

I'd suggest making the Stone Skin an offensive move instead. Like hardening the fists into stone boxing gloves of pure fury.
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Kairu-kyun

Kairu-kyun

Male Posts : 1120
Join date : 2010-01-25
Age : 30
Location : Fayetteville, North Carolina, U.S.A.

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PostSubject: Re: Jack, Black Jack, Earth Tank   Jack, Black Jack, Earth Tank EmptySun Feb 13, 2011 7:14 pm

Actually, I think it could be used for both. That's creative use of your spells, right? Like my character, Ashraeh. She has a freezing spell, but I use it to half-way freeze water in the air to make mist, use it to make ice weapons and armor, etc.
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LordNiv
Baka Black
LordNiv

Male Posts : 38
Join date : 2011-01-31
Age : 33

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PostSubject: Re: Jack, Black Jack, Earth Tank   Jack, Black Jack, Earth Tank EmptyTue Feb 15, 2011 10:30 am

I'm thinking of either scrapping him or completely nerfing petrification, cause it seems to be my main headache right now...

Any help on bringing down the petrification?
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Daisuke

Daisuke

Male Posts : 1468
Join date : 2010-05-02
Location : Position Lock On

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PostSubject: Re: Jack, Black Jack, Earth Tank   Jack, Black Jack, Earth Tank EmptyTue Feb 15, 2011 10:47 am

If the petrification spell is such a pain in the ass, just scrape that one spell off and think up for another. Simple?

Stone Skin -
I'd say it works as a full on lower ranking spells, half on same rank spells and destroyed if higher.
"Normal non-ki or -magic powered attacks are nullified unless the Strength stat is at least twice as high as the Endurance stat of the user", at least allow people to damage you by having half the impact if the stats of endurance and strength are of the same.
"The user is also able to defend against sharp objects with his bare hands", this will not apply if its a magic spell of higher ranking.
How long does it last?

You said "magical ringS" in your weaponary/equipment. How many would there be and does each carry a specific feature? If so, do explain it. If not, then just place it in the accessories section.
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dorianodet

dorianodet

Male Posts : 1409
Join date : 2010-11-29
Age : 32
Location : France

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PostSubject: Re: Jack, Black Jack, Earth Tank   Jack, Black Jack, Earth Tank EmptyTue Feb 15, 2011 11:37 am

Your petrification skill is just impossible, it would be like bringing someone speed to 0 and prevent him from casting spell. For something like this to work it should at least be a rank 15 spell with high limit.

You can have something like your pretrification spell will lower the enemy speed and strengh, but not more than this.
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Daisuke

Daisuke

Male Posts : 1468
Join date : 2010-05-02
Location : Position Lock On

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PostSubject: Re: Jack, Black Jack, Earth Tank   Jack, Black Jack, Earth Tank EmptyTue Feb 15, 2011 11:50 am

What dorain tried to meant, would it be that the petrification takes place but not that strong as the opponent would still be able to move but just slower maybe by hardening the skin/ muscles which restrict quick movement?
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